Nervous

I just got the syllabus for one of my classes I start next week. There are two assignments that make me really nervous.

One is a lesson plan that we create ourselves. It has to be approved by our cooperating teacher, taught to the class, AND our class teacher will observe us teaching it. Ahh! I don't know why I'm so nervous. I've made lesson plans before. And taught before. I guess it's just the teaching my own lesson plan thing. I have been just turning in lesson plans without actually teaching them and I've been teaching pretty much what the teachers I work with give me. I've never done it all on my own. What if what I do is stupid? What if my teachers don't like how I teach? So many thoughts keep running through my mind! I know I have tons of good ideas for lessons, but as far as implementing them.... it makes me so nervous that I won't be good enough.

The second assignment is a project in which we have to TAPE OURSELVES teaching. OMG. I absolutely HATE not only listening to myself talk on recordings (which is why I don't have a voicemail recording) but I HATE watching myself on video. The thing with me is that I have this speech impediment where I don't say my "R"s correctly. Sometimes people have trouble understanding what I'm trying to say, and often times, students will comment on it. I'm also scared that someone would be reluctant to hire me because of the way I talk. How can I teach kids language if I can't say things right myself? Anyways, back to the video taping, I am just nervous that once I see myself teach on video I'll be unhappy with the way I talk/teach/or whatever and it will discourage me from wanting to teach. I mean, I know teaching is something that I want to do incredibly bad, but if I'm not good at it or happy with the way I do it, then why would I want to continue on with it?

I know I tend to over-worry sometimes and I'm sure this is all it is. But still. I have a few weeks until I need to legit worry about it, so until then, I will try to think positively and just try to keep coming up with more and more teaching ideas.

Expensive Books

School starts up again next week... I can't believe it. I feel like I barely had a summer at all! Probably because I really didn't, with being in school until mid-July and working every single day. The good news is that this will be my last full semester of classes! I have this semester, then student teaching, and then I'm done, besides the couple of Master's classes I have to finish.

The best thing about this being my last semester is that this is the last time I'll have to buy hundreds of dollars worth of textbooks. I had to buy five books today that totaled.... wait for it.... $397!!!! Ugh! One of the books was custom made so you can't rent it or buy it used. I'm assuming that you probably can't sell it back either. It was over $200 alone.

In undergrad, I pretty much stopped buying books because most teachers never made us use them. In grad school, however, we use them a lot more. I have also discovered the beauty of actually reading the chapters the tests are on. It makes studying for the exams a lot easier.

To ease my pain, I also bought myself a lime green university t-shirt. At least one thing I bought was a bargain today!